17. REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT

You know, I was refexively about to wish a particularly virulent strain of SARS (as well as a 60cm Anal Tumor) upon Rev. Wright after hearing his race-baiting treasonous bile, but cooler heads have prevailed. As you know, Rev. Jeremiah Wright is Barack Hussein Obama's racist church pastor who gave a 'lifetime achievement award' to the black equivalent to the grand dragon of the KKK, Louis Farrakhan.

After further consideration, I have decided that maybe it is only Rev. Wright who can save us all from an Obama presidency. Thus, I have concluded Rev. Wright deserves negative SARS. Yes, there is such a thing.

Please, dear god, give Rev. Wright stronger and more healthy lungs, such that every American hears what he has to say, and comes to see who Barack Obama associates with. Please make Reverend Jeremiah Wright louder and fill him with energy, so that he speaks in front of every TV camera he sees.

And if you still have the SARS I was talking about, you can split it and the 60 cm ass tumor between Hillary and the Magical Change Fairy (Obama).

16. BILL KELLER

Actually, I wanted to devote this post to the entire New York Times, but I made a vow to myself that it would be too easy to wish SARS on large groups. I singled out Bill Keller, then, sort of as a proxy for the NYT, and sort of because of the disgusting hit piece on "Mavrick" McCain. To be sure, Keller had SARS coming to him a long time ago, but if I chose to wish illness on members of the New York Times, I could probably find a different person each day. It would make for boring blogging. I mean, I kinda hope a meteor or a comet hits the headquarters of the New York Times and wipes all those fuckers out at once, but thats neither here nor there. Anyway, to any deity that exists, hear my prayer: Please, oh please infect Bill Keller with incurable, terminal SARS so that he might not undermine our nation any longer..... and if you have any extra time, give him sores all over his balls or something.

15. BARACK OBAMA

Okay, I waited long enough to do this. Why the fuck does this goofy looking mullato have any shot at being president? I'll tell you why- because despite his long and distinguished record of, well....... nothing, he makes white people feel not-racist by voting for him. On the flip side of that coin, he exposes the inherant racism of Blacks who have chosen to vote for him at the obscene number of 90%. Take note, caucasian Dhimmicrats- among Blacks skin color is everything; They'll turn on you in a second to vote for a candidate soley based on skin tone and facial features. Barack Obama is a vapid oreo; he was rasied by his White mother and knew nothing of the struggles of everyday black life while he sat in his ivory tower at Harvard. His campaign has no substance except for "hope" and "change", and as such I shall expound on those themes. I Hope that things Change so that SARS has another outbreak that eventually infects Barack Obama, who, in turn, hacks up fragments of his lungs during one of his speeches all over his creepy, crying cult followers who all become infected themselves. Now thats real Change that brings Hope for the Future!

14. AMY WINEHOUSE

Shit, I wouldn't want to go to rehab either if I looked like her. I'd want to be high all the time, so that when I look in the mirror, I'd see cute pink elephants or something. What a beast. Get SARS.

13. BILL SIMMONS

Who? Bill is the talentless fag that writes the same column over and over again for espn.com. Ostensibly, this tool is a big New England sports fan who goes by the name of "The Sports Guy". In reality, he's just some ivy league English major who couldn't get a job in real journalism, so he plys the public with tired sports cliches aimed at the male twenty-to-thirtysomething demographic. Why should Simmons get SARS? Well if he's a true Boston sports fan, no futher justification is needed. I suspect, however, based upon his revelation in today's article (that he somehow felt good that the Giants won), that he's not a sports fan at all. He's just a fake, much like Hillary "Tiny Tears" Clinton, and we all know that no one deserves SARS more than wretched, pusilanimous fakes. Get SARS, sports guy! Oh, and for the rest of Boston- BWA HAH HAH HAH HAH HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaah! YOU SUCK!

12. DAVID LETTERMAN

How does this fucking douche have a television show? There's absolutely nothing funny about 'Dave' except his messed up teeth. The only way Letterman could get me to laugh would be to contract SARS and then film his show from the hospital ward as doctors furiously try to save his worthless life.

11. TOM BRADY

Only for the big game. Maybe a transient case of SARS will do; sorta like a "24 hour SARS". I don't hate the guy, though, aside of his quasi-metrosexual looks.

10. TED KENNEDY

Not that I have any love for Bill & Hill "Ass Cancer" Clinton, but lowness of the Kennedy clan never ceases to stun me. Watching Ted Kennedy head to the Obama camp today is like watching a fat, alcoholic, vehicular manslaughter committing rat jump from the Titanic. After years of being in league, the Kennedys have stuck a dagger deep into Billary's back. Its comical as of today, however if Obama somehow wins the White House, there's no telling what the political payoff might be. Ted, I hope you and the whole Kennedy family- which to me represents the very worst of hypocritical limousine leftism- get super drug resistant SARS. On top of that, I hope you personally get cirrhosis, and when you finally go to Hades where you belong, Satan smashes your nuts with a sledgehammer for drowning that poor girl. A pox on you and your whole sickening
clan!

9. JIM BROWN

Yes, I mean Jim Brown of NFL Half of Fame fame, stupid African hat and all. I hope you get SARS for trying to inflame and propagate the idiotic racial 'uproar' over clumsy comments by some broad on the Golf Channel that Tiger Woods rightly downplayed and mostly ignored. Instead of applauding Tiger for being adult enough to understand that some dizty blonde on Golf TV didn't want him to be hung by a bunch of KKK guys, Jim Brown had to open his big, irrelevant, pestilence-needing mouth. Hey Jim, you look like a fucking moron in that stupid hat. You weren't born in Africa, you didn't make your fortune in Africa, you cant speak Wolof, and wearing that hat doesn't make you any blacker. If you want to pretend you're "Mr. Africa", move back there, live off of yams and foreign aid, and go get high and fight in a civil war with 'General Butt Naked'. Otherwise, STFU.

8. BILL CLINTON

Why won' this old, lying pest just go away already? And to think just a few years ago ole' Billy was one thrombosis away from being fertilizer. I suppose this egomaniacal narcissistic piece of shit will never have his fill of power, even if its just for its own sake. And shame on that dyke "wife" of his, for letting him do all the campaigning for her hopefully abortive run to the white house. This cunt wants to be the first woman president and she lets a man run for her??? Fuck off. I've simply had enough of the mutherfucking Clintons and their lies, exaggerations, and schemes. I call down upon the Clintons, from any diety that really cares about humanity, the following (all at once): SARS, Bird Flu, malignant Ass Tumors, and super AIDS.

7. HEATH LEDGER

The worst thing about Heath Ledger is th.....oh really? He did? Oh. Never mind then.

6. KEITH OLBERMANN

This fucking sanctimonious limousine leftist piece of peanut-filled shit makes me want to vomit. I wish upon him not just super drug-resistant SARS, but a golf-ball sized ass tumor for good measure. So let it be written; so let it be done.

5. "THE REVEREND" AL SHARPTON

Since today is MLK day, in the spirit of tolerance and diversity I have decided to wish the plague of drug-resistant SARS upon an African American... and none is more deserving than the huckster and shakedown artist we all know as "Reverend Al". Reverend- and I use that term with the utmost vitriolic sarcasm I can muster-, may you get a case of super SARS such that you hack your lungs completely out of your filthy, race-baiting mouth.

4. BILL BELICHICK

What's with that hoodie with the arms cut off......and what kind of ghey has his initials on the front of his shirt, like Alvin of Chipmunks fame? This guy's just a fucking douche, plain and simple. I hpe BB gts SRS.

3. BARRY MANILOW

What's better than a 65 year old fag with a laughable amount of plastic surgery? Most things, but certainly among them is a 65 year old fag with a laughable amount of plastic surgery and a loathesome, incurable respiratory virus.

2. MARKOS MOULITSAS

Is it a coincidence that the SARS outbreak and the founding of The Daily Kos both occurred in 2002? I think not. Oh SARS, has there ever been a more worthy recipient of your pestilence?

1. HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON

Need I say more? Maybe if I decided to make "The Malignant Ass Tumor List", she'd be #1 on that too.